I’ve been obsessing over writing something in this blog for a few days now… and I can’t wait another minute. Ben and I have had some serious reconsiderations about certain things involving the Our Farm Adventure project. And I have to say, it’s been a long time coming.
As much as I *want* so badly to live debt-free and grow food and be self-sustaining, our only option on where to do all of that is in Toccoa. I mean, Ben’s got free land, where else would we build a house? And as excited as I was about certain aspects of our project, I must admit… I’ve been here in Northeast Georgia for almost four months now and, it’s just not as exciting a place as I’d hoped it could be. Coming from an urban upbringing in Philadelphia, and then the suburbs of Philly, and then only ever moving to other large cities, this idea of rural living was, for me, a very complicated one.
The South has its charm, and there are nice things about this area. For starters, it’s quiet. There’s no traffic and no lights from cars. I love that the birds sing to me all day. We have family across the street and others scattered not too far from here. We’ve got lovely east coast summer storms and fireflies, and the ability to ride bikes for however long we want with no real traffic. Oh, and those starry nights in the wilderness — can’t forget those. No real worries about money, either. I mean, heck, I work from home running a freelance design business and I have the flexibility of going wherever, whenever, and working… or not. Ben also has the freedom of choosing whatever he wants to do after finishing his thesis. There’s tons of room for personal growth here…
So, why even consider leaving all that? Well, we’re missing a major piece of our lives — access to social interaction. I believe it’s something you can’t really put a price tag on, and out here, there’s not much access to anything if you don’t want to drive at least an hour.
I miss Portland. Anyone who knows me from before, during, or after my stint there knows that — I had no issues talking about it. I tried for the last year or so to suppress it and look more toward my future. It’s been difficult… and it took quite a toll on our relationship.
Portland is where we met. And the moment we did, we started on this roller coaster that I swear hasn’t let up since. Ben was only there temporarily and left in August of 2007 to start grad school at in Raleigh. Consequently, I left Portland in October to be with him. At some point during the following few months the idea to move to Toccoa and live a more sustainable life formulated and the planning began. Then, during one of Ben’s final semesters I was introduced to the idea of permaculture and we started this blog. From that point, our goal has been to live more sustainably and integrate aspects of permaculture into our plans in Toccoa. After all, we had the space to do it there.
But something else was going on during that time for me personally. A massive internal struggle that I realized nothing but guilt over. For the last 18 months or so, I’ve grown increasingly worried (to the point of needing therapy) about how I could make a life for myself in a rural area. And, a rural area in the South, nonetheless. I’m completely out of my element here. I’ve fought hard to be open-minded, but I can only go so far against what my heart’s been screaming for so long.
I’ve been asking myself, “What is most important?” We can build our house and live off the grid and grow food, be debt-free… but none of it means anything if we’re not happy together. None of it. I’m sad to let go of some of the little dreams we had for Toccoa, but I don’t want to imagine my life without Ben.
The location will be different, but our principles remain unchanged. We’ll still grow our own food, have chickens, compost, collect rainwater, use cloth toilet paper, ride our bikes and support public transit. We’ll still strive to do better, and discover. And we will still blog about all the things we’re doing… but it’s going to be in a city we both love, a city where we both found love.
I don’t know what else to say right now as far as the blog is concerned. It doesn’t make much sense to call it Our Farm Adventure if there’s no farm… I guess we’ll just see how it goes. :)
Thanks for all your support, I hope you’ll stay tuned to see what happens next. It’ll be exciting, I promise!
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